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Òåìà: Óòêè
Âðåìÿ: 24.01.2010 09:16 |
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äåðåâíÿ Äåðåâÿííûé Ìîñò áðÿêè, êðèêè  
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Ìû íå óñïåëè âçëåòåòü Áåççâó÷åí ïóëè óäàð Ìû íå óñëûøàëè çâóê Óâèäåâ âñïûøêó âäàëè È âäðóã óæàëèëà ïëåòü È âäðóã çàæåãñÿ ïîæàð È ÷òî-òî îñòðîå âäðóã Âìèã î÷óòèëîñü â ãðóäè Î, ýòî âîëøåáíîå ÷óâñòâî Íåáî-çåìëÿ - êðóãîâåðòü Ìû âäðóã ïîçíàëè èñêóññòâî Èìÿ êîòîðîìó Ñìåðòü Íàì íåèçâåñòíîå Çàâòðà Áîëüøå íå ñòàíåò Â÷åðà Êòî-òî ïîëó÷èò íà çàâòðàê Íàøè ÷åòûðå êðûëà Êðûëà Åñëè-á óñïåëè íûðíóòü Åñëè-á óìåëè íûðÿòü Ìû áû óâèäåëè ïóòü Óêðûëà-á íàñ âîäíàÿ ãëàäü Òàì ïîä âîäîé òèøèíà Òàì ïîä âîäîé ïîêîé Ìÿãêîå ëîæå äíà Ìàíèò ê ñåáå òðàâîé Íî, ýòî âîëøåáíîå ÷óâñòâî Äíî è âîäà - êðóãîâåðòü Ìû âäðóã ïîçíàëè èñêóññòâî Èìÿ êîòîðîìó Ñìåðòü Ìû âäðóã âäîõíóòü íå ìîæåì Âîçäóõà - â ëåãêèõ âîäà Ìÿãêîå äíî ñòàíåò ëîæåì Íàøèì êîñòÿì íàâñåãäà Íàâñåãäà |
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“We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief
requirements of life, when all that we need to make us happy is something to be enthusiastic about.” Einstein |
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| Àâòîð |
Òåìà: Re: Óòêè
Âðåìÿ: 24.01.2010 12:00 |
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âàëèäàòîð òðåçâîñòè 
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>È ÷òî-òî îñòðîå âäðóã >Âìèã î÷óòèëîñü â ãðóäè (âäðóã-âìèã - ðåæåò) Âîîáùå â òåêñòå ìíîãî ñëîâà "âäðóã". >Óêðûëà-á íàñ âîäíàÿ ãëàäü (ìîæåò, "ñêðûëà á", äëÿ îáëåã÷åíèÿ) Ïðèïåâ òîëüêî ïåðâûé îñòàâèë áû (ëè÷íîå èìõî).  öåëîì ïîíðàâèëîñü. |
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âñ¸ ãàâíî áåñïëàòíî
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| Àâòîð |
Òåìà: Re: Óòêè
Âðåìÿ: 24.01.2010 16:20 |
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äåðåâíÿ Äåðåâÿííûé Ìîñò áðÿêè, êðèêè
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ñïàñèáî ïèñàëîñü íà îäíîì äûõàíèè. åñòåñòâåííî, øåðîõîâàòîñòåé ìíîãî. íî ó ìåíÿ åùå è ìåëîäèÿ åñòü â ãîëîâå, îíà èõ ñêðûâàåò. èëè ìíå êàæåòñÿ. íàäî ñî ñòîðîíû ñëóøàòü... |
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“We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief
requirements of life, when all that we need to make us happy is something to be enthusiastic about.” Einstein |
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| Àâòîð |
Òåìà: Re: Óòêè
Âðåìÿ: 25.01.2010 08:36 |
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Galaxy far, far away FORCE 
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Åñëè åñòü ìåëîäèÿ, òî âñå íîðìóëü. Íàçâàíèå ïîìåíÿé íà - "äâå óòêè". | |
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I`ll be back
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| Àâòîð |
Òåìà: Re: Óòêè
Âðåìÿ: 25.01.2010 08:40 |
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âàëèäàòîð òðåçâîñòè
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>Íàçâàíèå ïîìåíÿé íà - "äâå óòêè". èëè íà "Âûñòðåë" |
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âñ¸ ãàâíî áåñïëàòíî
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| Àâòîð |
Òåìà: Re: Óòêè
Âðåìÿ: 25.01.2010 11:23 |
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Îäèíöîâî/Âèñáàäåí
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Æåñòÿíùèê , ýòî äëèííîñòðî÷íûå ÷åòâåðîñòèøüÿ, à íå 8-ììñòèøüÿ. Íå ñòðåìèñü ê ÿâíûì ïîäðèôìàì, - ôîíè÷åñêàÿ ñòðóêòóðà òåêñòà íå âñåãäà ïðîÿâëÿåòñÿ â òåõ ìåñòàõ, ãäå åå ïðèâû÷íî îæèäàåøü. | |
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Ñàìîñòîÿòåëüíî ïðèéòè ê Áîãó - âñå ðàâíî, ÷òî ãëóõîíåìîìó ñòàòü âåëèêèì êîìïîçèòîðîì.
Êîãäà ãîâîðÿò î “ðóññêîé ïîýçèè”, î åå “çîëîòîì” èëè “ñåðåáðÿíîì âåêå” – ìíå ñòàíîâèòñÿ ñìåøíî. “Ðóññêîé ïîýçèè” íåò, êàê íåò “ðóññêîãî ðîêà”. |
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| Àâòîð |
Òåìà: Re: Óòêè
Âðåìÿ: 26.01.2010 17:11 |
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cringecore revival 
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îïðåäåëåííî íðà. äàæå óñå÷åííûå óñëîâíûå ÷àñòèöû â êàññó, êðîìå çäåñü: >Óêðûëà-á íàñ âîäíàÿ ãëàäü ðèòì ïî÷òè ìàðøåâûé.. âîï÷åì)) ïðèêîëüíî 
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